Monday, March 27, 2006
today wasnt a gd day..hmm dun get me wrong, nth bad happened but nth gd happened either..its just that i hate days like these when i dun really have much to do to keep me occupied..cos at times like this, random thoughts would fill my mind as i look at the world arnd me..
was on my way to tampines for dental this afternoon and as i took the train from tanah merah to tampines certain thoughts just flood my mind..no matter how hard i try to push them away,they just wun go..seeing ppl go by in groups talking and laughing, i began to feel self-conscious..aware of the fact that i was by myself..making me feel even more alone than ever..i know i have great frens and everything,but they cant be by my side 24/7..yet even with that knowledge, i just cant help feeling lost when im alone..at times like these, i cant help but look back at my life a few yrs back and think how carefree life was back then..
out of the 4 yrs of my sec sch journey, i wld say without a doubt that sec 2 was my best year..it was that yr that i became close to a bunch of really great frens like waikit,siying,sharon..i remember our frequent visits to changi airport's genki sushi and our meetings early in the morning in sch just to play..another fond memory wld be valentine's day whereby we showered each other wif huge aa gifts..haha..hmm i wld say tt these ppl definitely played a huge part in making my sec 2 yr so enjoyable..on top of tt, sec 2 was of cos the yr i knew him..but well, i have nth much to say abt that since it was all in the past..
on the outside, i may appear cheerful, outgoing and happy to most ppl..but how true is tt i wonder to myself..is tt really how i feel? or is tt just a cover up for a lonely, scared girl with no confidence hiding deep inside? im afraid to find tt out for myself..
suddenly i feel shocked at wat i've typed above..tts not who i would have portrayed myself to be like..it sure doesnt seem like the same person who encourages ppl not to be pessimistic about things and to cheer up no matter wat happens..
ppl say that certain incidents tt happened wld change ur life forever..maybe in the way u do things, or in the way u portray life on the whole..i suppose its true..before this yr, i dun think i've ever thought so deep and so much about my life basically..and the ppl around me who care about me and who i care about so much..
i wonder if i used to be too complacent..thinking naively tt the ppl i love would always be by my side..i was nvr too gd at saying tt i care..but i do..i really do..
sigh maybe its the weather thats making me feel so nostalgic and all sappy..rainy days nvr fail to make me feel like this..
lets just hope that tmr will be a beta day..
